Category: Life

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Why racing?

I cycled for 4 years before the idea of racing came up. I was happy chasing the occasional QOM, and I admit I enjoyed being first up the climb, overtaking people, etc.

I had strava, intervals, etc and sometimes got into the numbers; sometimes just had a glance. I was on Zwift in the cold months; in 2022, I did 20,000 meters and 2,000km in 28 days. Crazy right? But it wasn’t about speed or racing.

Then fast-forward to 2025.

I had a horrible breakup. I was living in a hotel. We had a bit of early spring, and I went out on my bike to escape. I usually listen to music on rides, but I have a playlist with motivational talks, and I popped that one on. There was one in particular I listened to several times; it really helped me through some dark times.

On a random March day, I was in the forest, warm sun on me and heard these words come through the earpiece:

Now that you have nothing left to lose, do that thing that you always felt was too much of a risk to do….

Well, one of those things was really pushing it on the bike; I was always nervous if my heart rate went too high or stayed high for too long. But now I had nothing to lose.

So I pushed the pedal to the metal, as they say, and guess what?  I found out I was stronger than I ever imagined, and each time I have gone back to those words and pushed that limit, I found new depths of my strength

Not psychological strength, real strength, numbers you can measure.

I was never weak,  just made to feel I was.

I came back to a sea of PR’s, got more into intervals, and each ride tried to push harder and for longer. The desire to race started and hasn’t left, even though there were obstacles in the way.

Later came Zwift racing; again, same platform, used a very different way! I found I had more endurance than I ever imagined; some of those first Zwift races really did shock me!

I smashed through so many PB’s and my own ideas of what I was capable of.

I w̶a̶s̶ am stronger than I ever believed was possible.

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Lessons learned from my first race

I knew the event would be small, but for some reason the nerves were huge! After not getting to do the race I had prepared for the week before, this one meant more to me!

I kept debating back and forth between going there the night before or driving the same morning. Some of the races there will be no choice due to the distance. I ended up driving on the same morning, and shockingly got a bit of sleep, even.

Loud music blasting all the way there in the car, nerves on high, trying to get motivated for what was to come.

When I pulled into the car park, I had my first “oh fuck” moment of the day; loads were training on turbos in the car park! OMG, why didn’t I think of this?!?!? The perfect warm-up.

Finally get over to the number area, and the next “oh fuck”: how is this going to fit on my jersey?!?! (And yes, it flapped and annoyed me)

Then time for the “everyone is getting dressed in their car, next to their car” fun. A little boob flashing before their race, I’m sure, made a few men smile.

I tried to do a little warm-up on the roads nearby, but nerves, not knowing where I was, well, it all didn’t help. Why didn’t I have a trainer to use? So much better!

I popped a gel before then 1 last one for good measure; maybe 100mg of caffeine while already anxious wasn’t the best idea!

Then it’s showtime.

During the first few km, I swear I had forgotten how to ride a bike, like WTF am I doing!??! Then it was all focus on the U-turn in the distance, the U-turns I had been dreading for a few weeks.

Finally, at the first U-turn I saw that this one wasn’t so small, it was better than expected, but I still had to slow right down after others got to just swish through it, but it’s ok, more power to get back up to speed.

Why did I have 2 caffeine gels is a major thought on my mind at this point, and at any point, looking down at my HR. I did also have other lovely thoughts, like why is he faster, how can I get as low as that guy (who is on a TT bike, so yeah, not easy), then a few niggles from my legs that I did not warm up beforehand and are now asking “wtf are we doing?”.

Got to the next U-turn; fuck, it was tight! So this one, I did have to put my foot down and started screaming fuck, fuck, fuck to myself as I knew I’d lose time!

But now it was time to go back down to the better U-turn for another whirl, then we’re done.

Obviously, during the course there were younger, faster guys; the issue is they cut in front without looking! Then I’m not far from them; drafting is NOT allowed on the TT, but if you shove your ass in front of me, what am I supposed to do?

In the final stretch, I was happy to have no more u-turns, but then the adrenaline was crashing a little bit; I was coming down from my caffeine high and then “what was my time” became my main problem.

Obviously, in 2026 there is live tracking available for events, and this one did advertise it, but reality is we’re in Germany, so it didn’t work.

Then the pursuit of finding liquids and figuring out my time, and I actually thought that I didn’t win because I know I could’ve done a better time. I know I’ve done more power in a Zwift race. (Warmed up and not anxious as all hell)

I got to the car to put the bike in, changed my clothes (more boob flashing), and did another walk to see if anyone had the times, and ohhhh what is that???

I won

I obviously always wanted to win,  but at no point did I actually think about what would happen if I did win, like there’s a podium ceremony 😆

I have never been to the toilet in a German fire department, but guess what? The mirror was so high I could not use it. So it was a bit of a game of “how do you get the bugs off your face without a mirror”. I also didn’t have the right hair after all that for photos, or something decent to wear- yep, this part was not thought through at all!

It all felt a little surreal afterwards. I was always told, “it doesn’t matter unless a number is pinned to you”; not sure if that really holds. Maybe as I race more, I’ll feel different.

But when I finally got back home, you know what?

Zwift racing is a lot easier!

 

 

 

 

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Irony and cows!

 

Isn’t it funny when you talk about something, and then it happens?

I was talking to a mountain biker on the train; well, actually,, I was lecturing him on the fact that he didn’t have a helmet and that he really should buy a helmet.

I commented that even off the road there are animals, and  I’ve had all these different things running in front of me, like bunnies, squirrels, dogs, cats; I even had a cat run into my front wheel!! I ended the conversation by making a throwaway comment that I never had a cow run into me.  We both laughed

Speak, and you shall receive!

On my ride today, guess what I had to stop for? I mean, it didn’t go into me because it was going fairly slow, but I had to stop as the cows took over the road!

See how close!

cows

 

It was actually a lovely ride. I went to a different café, which ended up being a little bit of a disaster with the service. Loki is welcome where I normally go, but I wanted to try something new.

I was hurrying to get back as quickly as possible because I knew that the shady part was going to be cold, and it was! The good news is I’m learning the road very well, and I’m getting faster and faster.

But when the big (aka also fat) people zoom past, yes, the ego is a little hurt, even if it’s physics (not even all my disability sometimes! But when we meet on the climbs, they are not happy to see me zoom past.

Finally got to the train station, and I knew it was going to be a 45 minute wait for the next train, so I had this bright *aka stupid* idea to cycle home but I didn’t have a route, so I used the ” take me home” feature on my hammerhead. I know that wasn’t a very smart idea.

First, it sends me onto the main road, i.e. not even a speed limit on the road, then a 15% climb and another climb at 12%, so the whole idea of this easy spin home recovery ride kind of thing was completely utterly out the window, so somehow I did 130 km today, which was not my plan

But on the good side, the battery for my rear derailleur worked despite telling me that the battery is low, so when it says the battery is low, I do have a little bit of leeway, it seems.

I didn’t know how long it would last, so on the uphill section I used 2 gears.

I kept thinking about this Seinfeld episode; do you remember it? Video