Depending on where you’re from, this introduction to cycling in England may shock or make you feel at home.
- Car drivers do not like you, remember this. Not ALL car drivers but for the most part this is true. They aren’t your friend when you’re cycling on the road. You have to always look out for what they are doing (or not doing).
- Right of way is meaningless. Always look and assume the worst. You can have the right away while also being on the ground in pain because the car driver didn’t care about the rules.
- Do you get turned on being called names? If so you’re in luck! And let’s not limit the abuse to verbal you will also be honked at (and no it’s not because you look hot in lycra) and if you’re unlucky something of some sort c̶a̶n̶ will be thrown at you.
- Roundabouts: reread point 2. You do NOT have any rights here, you are at the mercy of the whims of the car drivers! Some days will be easy and you may just be able to venture out into the roundabout without saying a hail mary beforehand but other days, be prepared to wait.
Direction signals mean nothing. - Those leafy overhangs are lovely in summer but any time of year they make it very hard to see a cyclist, use a rear light that flashes!
- Cycle lanes come in all shapes, sizes and lengths. They can be 4 inches wide or 3 feet wide. They can last a few minutes or an hour. Be prepared for whatever space you’re given in your “cycling lane” for the car drivers to feel that 2 cm over the white line is where they are allowed to drive. You may find that the cycle lane makes life worse.
- Holes, holes and more holes. Beware of the holes. I have no idea where England sources its road surfaces from. I suspect they are getting the scraps no other country wants! There will be holes here there and everywhere, look out for them.
- Be prepared to always be in the wrong place. If there is a cycle lane people will tell you to cycle on the road, if you cycle on the road they will say to cycle on the pavement. You are always wrong, get used to it.
- MAMILS, come in all shapes and sizes and different levels of friendliness. Typically, it is best to stay away. Oh and don’t for one second assume the fancy bike and lycra means they know what they are doing on the road, you may end up finding out the hard way.
- Get bike insurance! Don’t leave your bike outside if you can help it. Theft is a real issue in London and even small towns in the middle of nowhere and it’s just getting worse. Even with the best locks, bikes are stolen at alarming rates.
More may be added to the list, but these are the main points for now. And for those of you reading this saying to yourself “I never had a problem” Well lucky you, most have.
For those who need to be told, there is an element of satire, obviously.